Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Direction, Miguel and Drake

I'm going through a point in my life where I feel like I don't know what to do, what direction to go in to get what I want. In fact, now that I have articulated it, that's exactly what it is. It's the case with my entrepreneur goals, career goals and relationship.

First of all, y'all know how I am, there are always tunes playing. Right now, I am hooked on a Pandora station that I somewhat generated called, "Miguel Radio." On Miguel Radio they play Miguel, Drake, Chris Brown and other artists like that. It's a really good station and it has made me realize that I actually really like Drake. I didn't think I would ever say that. Hahaha. But, for those of you who do not have Pandora, here is a really good Drake song that you could jam to while you read this:

Drake- From Time to Time ft Jhene Aiko

Ok...So now that you are relaxing to that...I'll continue. 
As for my entrepreneur businesses, I feel like they are dependent on me having a good job and making more money. Having a real opportunity at growth in a company, you know? Maybe that's the problem...maybe it's because I feel like they are connected. Maybe I just need to change my attitude about that. It's just that right now I feel like I need to advertise to get my company to grow. But advertising takes money and the only way I know how to legitimately get money is working.
Then, there's my book and I don't know. Maybe I am just discouraged. I don't know if I should try to promote self publishing or if I should get a publisher. But either way I feel like I'm in the same boat... it takes money. It takes money to send to all of those publishers and I'm worried that my book might have too many cuss words for mainstream publishers. And self-publishing...again...money. *sigh.

I really need to get back into visualizing. Tomorrow I am going to get back on the horse and stop being discouraged. It's not that I've gotten off per say...cause I am writing this blog and simultaneously working on the 2Raw4TV Magazine. But I'm a little off the horse with my personal goals like Auset Kulani and my Novellla.

The good thing is that I finally finalized my recipe for the Brown Sugar Baby scrub. Here is a picture:

The pic is a link to the store as well.

It just looks so yummy! And I love the way it looks and feels on my hand when I am using it, and how moisturized and glowing my hands look when I'm done with it. Black Betty is off the market for a while, at least until I perfect the recipe (if I can ever perfect the recipe without completely changing it into something else).

Yo! Kendrick Lamar! They're playing this right now...


Ok...so back to what I was saying. Let's move on to my work goals. I feel like there is a bunch of stuff I can do but because I don't have a bachelor's degree in shit, then I don't ever qualify for jobs. Maybe I should just apply for them anyway. I got a brand-spanking-new, modern resume now. Excited about that. Wow. Sharing this with you all is changing my attitude. What the hell right? I should just go for it. It's just that sometimes I feel intimidated by the positions, even though I feel like, "Well if that bitch can do it, I can too." You know, I have life experience, I am self taught in a lot of things and I'm just an overall fast learner. I don't know. I'm about to be 30, you know? I feel some changes but sometimes it all just feels like the same shit, even though I am doing the visualizations, etc. There's like a threshold that I need to get through, feel me? That's what it is. 

What was the last thing? Oh... How could I forget? Relationship... 

Sooooooooooooooooo.... Here's what's going on with that: I have this guy and he is really cool and a good guy, but, there are things that are important to me that he just doesn't do. And what's crazy about it, is if I were to tell him about another girl who's guy was doing that to her OR if I were with another guy and telling him about that guy, he would be like, "Damn. You need to step it up and get a better dude." (Not in those words but that's what he'd be saying.) But when I try to tell him, he doesn't even want to listen to me. It sucks. I feel like I'm being taken for granted and taken advantage of and I don't want to break up with him, and if I fuss he won't listen, so I just don't know what to do. Right now, I am just pulling back a bit and maybe he will come to me... then maybe we can talk. I don't know. I just feel really lost. But... things always clear up. That's about all for now. I'll write soon. Peace. 

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